This has been one of the most difficult couple of weeks I've had in a long time. Like a boat washed aground by stormy seas, illnesses resulting in a couple of family members' hospitalizations, my own health concerns, and visits to specialists have filled my time, my thoughts, and have wreaked havoc with my emotions. Add to that the concern over a shortage in supply of my life-sustaining IV Immunoglobulins (IVIG), and we have a potential recipe for a total emotional meltdown. And believe me, that is not a pretty thing; I just want to cry, shouting, "Hey...my 'normal' has been stolen, right out from under me!" And maybe even stomp my foot for added effect! Because stress impacts me negatively health-wise, I have felt absolutely awful pretty much 24/7 for more than two full weeks. I saw a new rheumatologist and my neurologist three weeks ago, and at the insistence of my neurologist, must add a new specialist to my ever growing list of doctors--a pulmonologist. While I am not looking forward to more tests, I find some comfort in the idea that I will finally get some things taken care of and, hopefully, under control. So much about my journey is baffling to me; to be perfectly honest, I find myself wanting to just push things aside so I don't have to cope with any of it anymore. But I know a young mother who has a daughter with multiple health conditions, and she faces the unknown on a daily basis. Every time I have a new symptom or no one seems to know what to do to make my situation better, I think of her. Her daughter was accepted into and is participating in a program in Houston where doctors search for answers to health issues for which there is no cure...not even a name, for that matter. I think of her and pray for her often, realizing that each and every known disease was once an unknown. Someone suffered unusual symptoms, and dedicated doctors worked tirelessly to find answers in an effort to help their patients. When I experience an unusual symptom, question one or more of my many specialists about it, and they shrug their shoulders with no answer, I consider that sweet child whose parents are doing everything they can to find answers--even though the answers they seek may not come quickly. Somehow that brings me a bit of peace and I don't doubt the healthcare system (for the most part) or my own sanity quite so much. Why? Because I know that answers will come!
Since my family has been going through a bit of a crisis, I contacted the pastor of a church nearby that we have visited a couple of times, and asked for prayer. I have to admit that it is very difficult for me to ask for help for myself beyond the realm of prayer, which comes easy for me because prayer is such an integral part of my life. But to ask for physical help? That is much harder for me! So you can imagine my discomfort when his immediate response was to assure me that not only would the church pray, but that they would put ACTION to their prayers...and then he asked me what physical needs they could work to meet. The thing is, the Bible says very clearly that we are to bear one another's burdens and help one another when one of us is in need. And it's a two way street; so that means that I'm supposed to let someone know what my needs are when they specifically ask me. Keeping that in mind, I swallowed my pride and told the pastor just what our needs are. I have to tell you that since that first request for prayer, sweet members of that church have visited me, brought food on my worst day of the week (infusion day), have cleaned my house, sent a card and messages of encouragement, and are signing up to take turns to help out and provide anything we need. At a time in my life when I have felt alone and isolated, this blessing has covered my soul with a healing balm that is renewing my spirit and giving me strength to face whatever the difficult days ahead bring my way.
God bless you, I love you....
Kathie Lea
